elisabitch

I woke yesterday to a dripping world, damp with the leftovers from rain showers through the night, heavy with promises of more to come. I shuffled through the day, comforted by the solidarity of the gray weather, waiting; waiting to get off work; waiting to get in the pool; waiting for some change; waiting for clarity; waiting, perhaps, for some sunshine.

Around four the sun broke through, though nothing — aside from the incredible golden light on a clean world — changed for me. If the grass is always greener on the other side, then I’m certainly in a place in my life where I’m just waiting to break on through, and until I do I guess I’ll just endure each long day. Be green, Ireland. Let this all work out, be worth it.

I swam an abbreviated swim underneath an eclipsing moon, thinking about how amazing life is. I’m grateful I’m so small against the sky, so that I can still be awestruck. In the water I even weigh less, and while swimming against the wind, I’m reminded to be humble. This world is so much bigger than me, than what I do, than what I want.

A shadow on the moon, growing steadily through the hour, above me as I tried to strengthen myself, submerge myself in the moment; that hour became magical, exciting, beautiful. The last to pull myself out of the water, I stood shivering in the wind to take in the uncommon event for a moment longer, reverent.

Sometimes I wonder what God means. Mostly, I wonder what I mean. And I always wonder how this life of mine will play out. I pray for my happy ending.

“My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” Ashleigh Brilliant

I love you, I’m exhausted.

It has not escaped my notice that I completely suck at my blog.